Here's a question I struggle with sometimes, and the following is really a letter to myself.
How much control do you really have in your household?
Sure, you can control what you cook for dinner and how clean you keep your house... at least to a certain point. But can you make your children obey you? Can you make them eat all their veggies, clean their room, or do their homework? Without having to ask or bribe? Can you make your husband help you out around the house or make him choose what to do with his time?
Short answer: No
What you are able to control is your actions; your reactions; your responses; your thoughts; your emotions.
No matter what you do or how hard you try, you cannot make anyone do anything. You don't control anyone but yourself.
Even God doesn't "control" people.
Yes, He has control over every one and every thing and is ultimately in control, but He doesn't actually force anyone to do anything.
God created each and every person with their own free will, that includes your husband and your children. And what they do with that free will - well, is entirely up to them. Sure, you can strongly encourage or even manipulate someone into doing something you want them to do, but ultimately it is their choice.
As a wife and mother, God has given you much responsibility. Although you are not responsible for the choices your family make, you are responsible for loving them well and keeping the home a safe place full of love and focus on God.
You are called by God to help, submit to, and support your husband; to teach and guide your children. What they do with your help, support, teaching, and guidance is up to them. You won't always get the results you want, and that may drive you crazy. But again, that reaction is yours to control.
Knowing and submitting to God's design for free will should make it easier to manage situations in your home with your spouse and children.
And really, you should respect their free will as you have that same free will! You may disagree with what they do with their free will, however that's between them and God (so but out). Just keep doing what you know you are supposed to do. Make the next right choice and pray they do as well.
Thank God He didn't give you the ability to control anyone because that would mean that someone else could have the ability to control you!
Let this truth encourage you and allow you to relax a little. Trying to control people is an endless loosing battle that you don't have time to fight.
It's OK to be out of control, mama. Rest in knowing that God is in control and He sees you and knows what you need to be able to do the work He has called you to in your home. Ask Him to remove your "need for control" over your husband and children.
Let go and let God fill you with peace as you do the work He has called you to do in the home and with the family He has so graciously given you.